For the last almost 20 years of her life, my grandma lived at my childhood home. It was always a bragging point for me in Sunday school, I got to see my grandma every day while other kids had to travel two whole hours to see their grandma. My grandma was a classically grandma-shaped person. She was soft and grandma-ish. She was stylish and opinionated, an excellent cook with friends and hobbies and honestly seemed to love her life.
As life went on, my grandma had more pain, more doctors appointments, more troubles. Her arthritis limited her from doing her most favorite hobby: quilting. She lost a lot of weight and she wasn't so grandma shaped anymore. Her sternum started to show through her chest, her face wasn't round anymore, her cheek bones showed. Being so close to someone who is actively deteriorating is certainly distressing. I have said often that my grandma was ready to go about five years before she actually went. She had all of her documents in order, all the decisions had been made, and yet she waited to die.
She kept a good attitude, frankly. She was still opinionated and wanted to sit for hours to chat and tell me to save my money. But every time she had to get up to go to the bathroom or to do any mundane thing, the effort she had to exert was so great. She was in so much pain. It was a sort of relief when she passed, I was happy for her that she wasn't suffering so much. She had lived a good long life, more than 90 years.
When I look in the mirror now I look at my chest, with soft skin covering my bones so that none of them show. My round face with full cheeks and my soft chin. Oh, I think I look healthy. I think I look well fed. I can lift my carry on suitcase over my head and into the bin with ease, I can move my tv by myself. I can reposition the heavy table so we have more room. I can carry the toddler when they get tired, or carry the bag when it's my turn. My legs can walk thousands of steps around new and old cities. I can enjoy my favorite foods and little sweet treats with friends or by myself. Oh, I think I am lucky.