Artem Iskhakovs suicide note translated

Hello, everyone. My name is Artem Iskhakov, and I want to tell you a story about what happened last night. 01/22/18 03:40

I killed my neighbor. And fucked her. Twice. Maybe I'll do it again, but she's starting to get cold, smell a little unpleasant, and isn't as tight as she was the first time.

Why did I do it? I don't know, because I was tired of listening to her crazy explanations about why she didn't want to drink with me, and seeing her try to hit on my friend, how cool they were together, and realizing that I'm too different for us to have even remotely similar relationships. I had been thinking about it since early January and had vividly imagined how it would happen. Then I was shocked at myself. Very shocked. Very, very shocked. And then I realized that Tanya wouldn't be leaving until summer because her parents didn't have the money for repairs right now, and I was shocked again.

How did it happen? She came home, I was sitting in the kitchen, she started walking to her room, and I punched her in the face. She fell to the floor. I hit her a few more times, she started bleeding from her mouth, and she started begging me to leave. I didn't leave, lol. I started choking her. During this, she still kept saying something like “go away.” At one point, she clearly lost consciousness, but her heart kept beating. I decided quickly, while she was still warm, as they say, to fuck her. After finishing my business, I realized that the bitch's heart was still beating. Then I held my hands on her neck again - no effect. Then I took a knife and slit her throat. I don't know how well I did it, but there was a lot of blood. But her pulse was still there. So I took the knife and stabbed her twice between the ribs on the left. Then I fucked Sasha in the cart with her phone, fucked her again, and decided to go write this text. People are surprisingly resilient, as it turns out, or maybe I didn't have enough physical strength to strangle her quickly. At some point, I shoved her tights into her mouth so I wouldn't see the blood and hear the strange sounds her body continued to make. Oh, and I also tied one of the ropes I bought to try shibari with her around her throat. Ironic, isn't it? Oh well, such details are only important to crazy perverts.

Now there will be a piece with words to people. The order has nothing to do with the importance of people. I write whatever comes to mind.

Mozhaev, you're an asshole. I hope you won't do this kind of shit to any of your friends again. Fuck, bullshit about relationships, you could have just stopped talking to her for a while so she could calm her fucking feelings down. And tone down your ego, it's not cool.

Ilyenko, free yourself from Vita's chains. She's not right for you, you won't be happy with her. Start working on your mental health and be a cool dude.

Kocheshkov, that untold story — I fucked Vita somewhere in May. Be smart. Wanna hook up?

Vita Salakhova - free yourself from Dima's shackles. He's not right for you, you won't be happy with him. Your constant fights over bullshit and your desire to grovel before him are the most obvious examples of how fucked up everything is.

Vanya Galushko - I hope the army doesn't affect you too much as a person and you'll be a badass guy.

Sister - don't grow up to be a stupid cunt, I beg you.

Mikhail Yuryevich - I didn't tell you a lot of things and at times even lied that I was feeling bad and having a hard time. Maybe I shouldn't have done that and everything would have turned out differently, but alas, what's done is done. You're a good psychologist, and I'm glad I worked with you.

Artyom Sergeyevich, I don't understand why you ignored me the last couple of times I wrote to you, but it doesn't matter. Thank you for giving me the psychologist's contact information and prescribing pills, thereby making my life a little easier.

Vita from St. Petersburg - I was a terrible friend, no matter how you look at it. You are very cool and kind, forgive me for all the times I hurt you. Especially for that situation when I came to St. Petersburg and we didn't meet. I hope all your problems are resolved and you will live an awesome life.

Lida, we didn't talk much, but you seem like a very good and kind girl. Stay that way, and I hope everything works out for you. If you read this, pass it on to your psychologist.

Timur, I'm sorry for coming to you back then and making you listen to all that. I'm sorry we didn't have a classic brotherly relationship. I love you.

Parents - I am a complete disappointment to you. I was a drug addict, I constantly lied to you and didn't love you, I practically hated you, even though you only did good things for me, but that's life and that's the kind of person I am. You raised me to be a good person, but somewhere along the way, I took a wrong turn. Please don't blame yourselves.

Tanya's parents (if you somehow get this) — I'm sorry for taking your only child away from you. I loved her very much, but Tanya was too much herself, and that's why it turned out this way. You are very good people. I really, really hope that you will find the strength to get through this. Once again, I'm sorry, even though such a thing cannot be forgiven.

Alice, I behaved like a complete asshole towards you. I'm sorry for everything, and I hope everything works out for you.

Colleagues from work - you guys are awesome. I hope someone can figure out my shitty code and will be able to support the single window and SMBP. Lyokha - you're an awesome guy. Ilya - you're awesome too, please don't drink too much. Everyone else - fuck it, everything will be cool.

Alina, sorry for fucking with your head talking about Tanya.

Everyone else, sorry if I did something stupid or something like that. Live awesome and don't be such assholes like me.

You know, right now I realized what a fuck-up I've made. I felt cold and my hands started shaking even more, hehe. My God, I have to fuck this up, damn it, a corpse. Now I have no choice but to gather my strength and get drunk. It's very easy to kill a person, but it's not easy to realize it. But now I can check if there is life after death. I really want to go to bed and figure out what will happen to me after all these events. I loved her. With my crazy love, but I loved her. Oh yeah, I'm still relatively drunk, not completely wasted, of course, but still. An extremely fucked-up thing to do on my part. I'm a terrible person. I told everyone about it, more or less, but you didn't believe me. I was so obsessed with the idea of fucking Tanya that I killed her. Of course, that wasn't the main reason, but the fact that I raped her cooling corpse says a lot. I guess I'm mentally ill. Although, what do I mean, lol. I really want to see what happens next.

She was so cheerful when she left to see Dima off, eh. The author of the song “We Are Possible” is a fucking asshole. Listen to it a couple of times and your psyche is fucked, you perceive it as a call to action. Extremely incoherent nonsense. Also, sorry for all the typos and stuff in this text. I'm too lazy to reread it. I think I've lived a fucking awesome life. Astin, Vasily, I'm coming to you, my dear friends. Actually, I don't really want to die, because, my God, there are still so many things to do in this fucking world, but the situation is such that I'm unlikely to get out of prison, and if I do, I'll end up in a loony bin, which is even more fucked up. Fuck living like that, in short. I'm thinking of hanging myself, slitting my wrists, or trying to stab myself in the heart on the count of three. It's very difficult to choose. Or maybe I'll jump in front of a train. She has such a slender neck. And great breasts. Did I mention that I love her? But I won't even live to see 20, heh. My world started falling apart a few months ago, and now I've destroyed it completely. Rising from the ashes is a lie.

I'm not trying to justify myself. What I did was terrible, but I did what I wanted and thought was necessary because I fucking can. I could. I'm going to make some sandwiches. I'll enjoy it while I can.

I ate and fucked her again, damn it. I'll lie down and sleep for a few hours.

I slept.

It's quite funny how your brain starts generating thousands of reasons to live when you start thinking about death. So many things, it's just fucking crazy.

She's lying there now, in the next room, and I'm sitting here smiling. I'm not even sure if I was in shock, it's strange. The first time I had the idea to kill someone was in 5th or 6th grade, when my friend came over and we were playing on the computer, and when he left, I thought it would be really cool to strangle him with a laptop charger cord and throw his body down the stairs.

I lived with my demons and tried to fight them. It didn't work. I'm too weak-willed, and these are all pathetic attempts to justify myself, I guess. Now I'm pouring my thoughts out of my head. For the last time, I hope. My last code will be a server that will host this paste and display the text after a while.

It's a little sad that I never got my 80k salary. And I won't get it. And I won't watch new videos on YouTube. Fuck, I just want to disappear from the real world and watch everything from above. She's so cold, haha. Just like her heart towards me. I wish things had turned out differently. The last two years. I wish we could have stayed together, that I hadn't lost my mind, that there hadn't been this whole saga with Mozhaev, that her stupid husband hadn't been there. Funny, he's a widower now. You know, when I was strangling her, I didn't have a shred of regret or doubt. And that's very exciting. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHEN DID IT START? Before that, I had never punched anyone in the face with all my strength. I regret my decision. Almost. I thought I would cut myself as usual and calm down, but something went wrong. I wonder how shocked you are by what you've read. I would be shocked. My aggression found an outlet. The final chord. I can't even cry now. It's amazing how easy it is to lose all humanity within yourself. I don't know how long it takes for a corpse to start smelling, but I hope that by the time everyone burns it, I will no longer exist. Too many words like “I hope.” I'm starting to feel sleepy again, damn it. And my hands are shaking a little.

Funnily enough, I even did something at work today. I wonder how much of a loss I'll be to the team.

I keep thinking about what my chances are of having a normal life if I don't drink myself to death. None? Most likely. I don't want to go to prison, I won't survive there. I no longer have a reason to live. For a while, it was my desire to take care of Tanya and get her back, but now I've deprived myself of that. And I've deprived her parents of their beloved daughter. They're good people. The only ones I'm really a little ashamed of are them. All my moral values are fucked up. A tear almost fell.

I remember how, under the influence of acid, I realized the crystal clarity and beauty of love. This is what my brain has turned it into. This is what I've turned into. I'm sorry. There's no way I can atone for my sins now. I'm going to kiss Tanya's cold forehead and get ready. She's lying there dead and cold with her fingers motionless. What the fuck have I done? Fuck, fuck, fuck.

There's so much more I want to say, but I don't know what else to add.

If you have or ever have a friend who suffers so much for someone, punch them in the face and try to explain that communication will not lead to anything good. It only destroys you and rapes your psyche.

I destroyed the happiness of several people, and for what? In the end, only emptiness that will consume me. I'm extremely curious to see the reaction of everyone connected to us, but no, I have to die. I. Have. To. I hope everything works out. I have one last cigarette left. There's no turning back. This post is the quintessence of attention whoring. But what can you do? Remember me fondly, at least sometimes. I didn't think it would end like this. I'm finishing my last message and leaving. It's a shame I won't be able to cuddle up with her and watch TV series and chat anymore.

Once again, forgive me for everything. And no one should blame themselves and think that they overlooked something or something like that. No one would have thought that I was capable of such a thing.

Zero emotions. I have attained Zen. Drink to me going to hell. Farewell. Goodnight, sweet princess.

01/22/18 3:55 p.m.

I stand on my buckling legs

with the realization of what I have done.

The knife was stuck in the abdomen

of the one I loved with all my heart.

Play “Der Golem - No” at my funeral.

Damn, I completely forgot that VK has a timer for messages.

3k4 Kazakova Street, I don't know the apartment number, something like 31 or 32 or 33, but it's on the first floor on the left side of the building. Call the cops.

55.763497, 37.658109

The password for the Sberbank app is 08080, for Rocket is 4104, on the cards it's also 4104, the rest of the passwords are jktirijngt, JKTRIjngt5512 (and all kinds of variations with rearranged numbers and caps), on the laptop you can do pass ls in the console, the password for the password storage on the laptop is jktirijngt, I'll unlock the phone, I guess. The password for Tanya's laptop is 741852nh, in case there is something important there. For my laptop, it is root/jktirijngt.